Circles

My mind is spiraling, and not in a good way. I once thought I had  a hold on things and my path marked out. Yet I am still amongst the waves tossed about. Every new wave taking me a different direction. Although there seems a general direction there is still no exact focus. I circle several ideas drawing a desire to go forth. Something invisible stands in the way. Mentally there is doubt. How do I overcome this doubt? It has been many months of me stirring up focus but is there something being accomplished? Am I performing a flurry of activities with no real end in sight? It all takes time but how much? I am moving takes steps in a direction, is that not good enough? I am delusional about time and the necessary commitment. My mind roams the pastures picking up anything that looks shiny, only to drop within hours to days. A select few have stuck with me. Yet again comes the underlying esteems issues. One day I have it, one day I don't. Lost in the swell of things. I am my own worst enemy, the mind ruminating and spiraling downwards towards self sabotage. I am not the shocked dog that submits with helplessness. I will break through the surface to find the sweet air which fills my void. It can be done, it will be done. I still can fight. The mind is mischievous thing and without reigns runs wild.