06-17-15 Sponging It Up

The Art of Learning
(18mins)
- Hard Zone / Soft Zone

Meditate
(33mins)
- Holosync: The Dive

Flash Boys
(book) (1hr 43mins)

Work
(8hrs)

Cultivating Unshakable Character - Jim Rohn
(audio) (1hr 50mins)
- Part 1, Part 2
- Break It Down / Write It Down

Entrepreneur on Fire
(podcast) (35mins)
- 963: Elon Musk, the Airbnb Founder, and the gilt girls all chat with Amy Wilkinson!
- Amy is an Entrepreneur, analyst, and Author of The Creator's Code. Her career spans the White House, McKinsey, JPMorgan and starting her own company.
- Mental Time in morning
- Walking (idea notebook)
- Overcommitting (weakness)
- Connecting with people (strength)
- maintaining relationships and talking to people
- Entrepreneurs desire to inspire
- Fail Wisely
- Zero To One (book)
- Self-Renewal - John Gardner (book)
- "Create Things You Care About"
- Find something you love and believe in yourself
- www.amywilkinson.com

The Art of Charm
(podcast) (38mins)
- 415: AoC Toolbox | Rapport
- Rapport takes time, patience and vulnerability. “You have to be interested to be interesting.” - Johnny Dzubak The Cheat Sheet: Why you have to be vulnerable to connect.The three levels of rapport-building.What is floodlighting?How to build rapport if you're shy or introverted.Why making mistakes is the best way to learn.And so much more… Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-toolbox-rapport-episode-415/

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (1hr 15mins)
- Episode 2: Joshua Waitzkin
- Josh Waitzkin was the basis for the book and movie "Searching for Bobby Fischer." Considered a chess prodigy, he has learning strategies that can be applied to anything, including his other loves of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (he's a black belt under Marcelo Garcia) and Tai Chi Push Hands (he's a world champion). Now, he spends his time coaching the world's top performers, whether Mark Messier, Cal Ripken Jr., or hedgefund managers. This episode is DEEP in the best way possible.
- Keystone Habits
Meditation
Quality
Themes

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (1hr 13mins)
- Ep 41: Rolf Potts on Travel Tactics, Creating Time Wealth, and Lateral Thinking
- War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Rolf Potts Rolf Potts is the author of Vagabonding (hear the audio book sample here), one of my favorite books of all-time. It was one of just two books (the other was Walden) that I carried with me around the world from 2004-2005. Those adventures led directly to The 4-Hour Workweek. In this often hilarious conversation, Rolf and I dig deep into travel tactics, creating time wealth, "managing success," and much more. It's a fun romp through every imaginable topic, from business to poetry, and from Wall Street to psychedelics.

Meditate
(13mins)

06-16-15 Sponging It Up

The Art of Learning
(book) (30mins)

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive
- Outside Under Tree
- day 14

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (30mins)
- Thomas Edison's Formula for Greatness
- This episode is intended to help you with unexpected problems that will crop up this week. My guest is Ryan Holiday, who became Director of Marketing at American Apparel at age 21 (!). He’s a beast. Since dropping out of college at 19 to apprentice under strategist Robert Greene (author of The 48 Laws of Power), Ryan has advised many New York Times bestselling authors and mega-multi-platinum musicians. He knows how to build massive buzz while responding to unexpected crises. He can compete or counterpunch with the best. For this reason, I asked him to share one of his popular stories on Thomas Edison, as well as Jack Johnson and others. If you want to thrive in high-stress environments, this is well worth the time.

Tangentially Speaking
(podcast) (
- 129 - Kevin Johnson (Floater, Musician, Caver)
- Kevin Johnson is a key player in the growing float movement. He designs, sells, and installs the most cutting-edge float chambers all over the U.S. But he's also a very serious musician, songwriter, and cave explorer. Talk about a multi-faceted mofo!

Entrepreneur on Fire
(podcast) (33mins)
- 965: Surving a 100 ft leap ON FIRE was just the beginning for Bill Treasurer
- Bill is the chief encouragement officer of Giant Leap Consulting, a courage building company. His clients include NASA, Lenovo, Accenture, Spanx, CNN, and the Pittsburgh Pirates. His new book, Leaders Open Doors, became the number 1 leadership training book on Amazon.
- Respect the Work

The Art of Learning - Josh Waitzkin
(book) (1hr)

Meditate
(46mins)

06-14-15 Sponging It Up

My Birthday

Zorba The Greek
(book) (20mins)

Meditate
(50mins)

06-13-15 Sponging It Up

Meditate
(20mims)
- Guided: Gratitude

The Roots of Buddhist Psychology - Jack Kornfield
(audio)
- Part 10, Part 11, Part 12
- Finished Recording

06-12-15 Sponging It Up

Meditate
(10mims)
- Outside under tree

The Roots of Buddhist Psychology -Jack Kornfield
(audio) (1hr 40mins)
- Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (1hr 40mins)
- Episode 4: Ryan Holiday
- This episode features Ryan Holiday, who became Director of Marketing at American Apparel at age 21 (!). Since dropping out of college at 19 to apprentice under the strategist Robert Greene, Ryan has advised many bestselling authors (including yours truly) and multi-platinum musicians. He is master of the media, and he knows how to both build massive buzz and respond to unexpected crises. I hired him to help with the launches of The 4-Hour Body and The 4-Hour Chef, and his unorthodox approaches always impress. He takes the paths less traveled. In this episode, we discuss dozens of topics, including the real-world strategies he uses to thrive (not just survive) when the world is exploding around him.

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (1hr)
- Ep 21: Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park -- On Music, Creativity, Selling 60+ Million Albums
- Mike Shinoda is best known as the rapper, principal songwriter, keyboardist, rhythm guitarist and one of the two vocalists of Linkin Park, which has sold more than 60 million albums worldwide and earned two Grammy Awards in the process. Mike has collaborated with everyone from Jay-Z to Depeche Mode, and he's also the lead rapper in his side project Fort Minor, which I'm a huge fan of. As if that's not enough, he's also provided artwork, production and mixing for all the projects that I just mentioned. The man is a beast... but did he start out that way? The answers might surprise you. This episode covers how he got started, advice for beginning musicians (or creatives/artists of any type), navigating "entertainment" and Hollywood, daily rituals, how he writes songs, how he and his band rehearse, and much more.

06-11-15 Sponging It Up

Your Money or Your Life
(40mins)

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive
- outside in grass
- Day 12

Entrepreneur on Fire
(podcast)
- 957: How to lose $15k in one day on one phone call, with Bob Beckett
- Bob Co founded Six Figure Ignition, a Coaching and Mastermind platform that helps 1,000s of entrepreneurs worldwide exceed their expectations. Since the age of 14, he has been known for his uncanny ability to generate massive leads and sales online. He lives the laptop lifestyle, having built 15 plus, 6 figure income streams in the last 18 years. Show Notes Page Resource: Trello, ToDoIst Book: The Slight Edge 

The Duncan Trussell Family Hour
(podcast) (2.5hrs)
- Abby Martin LIVE from the Arlington Drafthouse
- Journalist and artist Abby Martin (Breaking The Set, Media Roots) joins Duncan at the Arlington Draft House to talk about Putin, Jesus, and LSD among other things.

06-10-15 Sponging It Up

The Art of Learning
(book) (20mins)
- introduction

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive
- Outside under tree
- Day 11

The Roots of Buddhist Psychology - Jack Kornfield
(audio) (1.5hrs)
- Listened to part 5 and part 6

The Unmistakable Creative
(podcast) ( )
- The DNA of a Storyteller with Robert Kurson
- author Robert Kurson shares his journey from being an F-student in high school, to a desperately unhappy Harvard educated Lawyer and eventual New York Times Bestselling Author HIGHLIGHTS: A formative relationship that played a fundamental role in Robert’s career. Why a strong work ethic is important for a creative career. The struggles of a challenging academic career. Finding a level of belief that keeps you going From F’s in High School to Harvard School. The power of being desperately unhappy. Making a drastic identity shift that allows us to produce incredible results. Finding meaning in the activities in which we lose track of time. How small opportunities can change into big change in our lives. Why we must take risk and experience temporary pain for our greatest achievements. Why unhappiness increases our capacity for taking risk. Mastering craft the storytelling. Developing a sense for how a good story sounds. The power of speaking from the heart Quotes "Really great storytellers are people who notice the most." A well told story is a universal thing

Bulletproof Radio
(podcast) (1hr)
- Dr. John Gray: Addiction, Sexuality, & ADD  - #222
- Best selling author of the wildly successful book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray comes on Bulletproof Radio to discuss causes and natural remedies for ADD, flow states and addiction, gender differences in relationships, and Taoist principles of sexuality. Enjoy the show! John Gray is the best-selling relationship author of all time and the most trusted voice in relationships today. He is the author of 17 books, including The New York Times # Best-Selling Book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. His books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages around the world. For more than 35 years he has conducted public and private seminars for thousands of participants. He is a popular speaker and has appeared on Oprah, The Dr. Oz Show, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The CBS Morning Show, Live with Regis, Larry King Live, CNN and many others. John’s purpose is to create a world where men and women understand, respect, and appreciate their differences and ultimately work together.

Entrepreneur on Fire
(podcast) (35mins)
- 926: The most powerful words and action in your business: all in one with Ryan Levesque
- Ryan, Author of the new book Ask is a marketing expert who has helped build multi million dollar businesses in 23 different industries, generating over 100 million dollars in sales in the process. Today, he and his team offer training, consulting, and implementation services for entrepreneurs and businesses at all levels.

Freedom Fastlane
(podcast) (45mins)
- Ryan Lee has a reputation for getting a tremendous amount done while working mostly from coffee shops. In this episode of Freedom Fast Lane, Ryan Daniel Moran asks Ryan Lee, “How do you get so much done in so little time?” If you run a virtual company or are looking to work online, this podcast on freedom of time and productivity will be of extreme value for you. Cool Stuff Ryan Lee Has Done Ryan Lee was a recreational therapist, gym teacher, and had a personal training business. He started his first website in 1999 for his personal training business, and he was the first guy to do a paid membership site specifically for strength and conditioning. Ryan Lee was featured on the cover of Millionaire Blueprints, and is now known more as the “Millionaire Maker” and the ‘guy who teaches other people.’

The Art of Learning - Josh Waitzkin
(book) (16mins)

Meditate
(20mins)
- Guided: Gratitude

06-09-15 Sponging It Up

Vegabonding
(35mins)
- Simplification of lifestyle

The Roots of Buddhist Psychology - Jack Kornfield
(audio) (1hr 20mins)
- Part 3 and Part 4

Meditation
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive
- Day 10

06-08-15 Sponging It Up

Here and Now - Ram Dass
(podcast) (1hr)
- True Renunciation
- "Renunciation is internal dropout, not external dropout" This is often in direct contrast to the Western model of achievement oriented success. But we are not required to move off into a cave in order to find enlightenment. Through complete devotion to our work and our love for that process, we can absolutely move in the direction of realization. "By letting go, everything gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning" Through cultivation of the witness we move out of the melodrama and into the place of pure perspective and peaceful awareness

Journal
(20mins)

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (1hr)
- Ep 63: Hedge Funds, Investing, and Optimizing Lifestyle (Mark Hart, Raoul Pal)
- This is an experimental episode. It's a roundtable discussion with two hedge fund experts: Mark Hart and Raoul Pal. It digs into investment, physical training, and more -- all as tools for improving quality of life. How far can you push and improve yourself? These gents tackle this question every day, and it makes for a fun conversation in this episode. 

Mindrolling
(podcast) (1hr)
- Ep. 112 - Pete Holmes: Conscious Comedy, Witty Wisdom
- Mindful comedian Pete Holmes is our effervescent guest and he talks about...everything, including diametrically opposing views on G-d from two of his podcast guests, Deepak Chopra and Oasis’s Noel Gallagher. His rap about the dangers of Google is funny and profound, his love for Ram Dass and Joseph Campbell tells us where his head is at, and his statement “Leave the transcendent where it belongs – the transcendent” left us laughing and thoughtful…

Create Momentum - Tai Lopez
(audio) (13.5mins)

Aubrey Marcus Podcast
(podcast) (50mins)
- Turning Resistance to Assistance with Ryan Holiday
- For the very first Aubrey Marcus Podcast I get to hang out with bestselling author and fellow philosopher @RyanHoliday. We talk about his book The Obstacle Is the Way - http://aubreymarcus.com/book-review/obstacle-is-the-way/ and the modern applications of both stoicism and epicureanism.

06-06-15 Sponging It Up

The Practice and Science of Drawing - Harold Speed
(book) (23mins)

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive
- Outside under tree

Motivational Video
(video) (14mins)

Work
(8hrs)

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (2hrs)
- Tools and Tricks from the #30 Employee at Facebook
- Noah Kagan was #30 at Facebook, #4 at Mint.com, and is the Chief Sumo (founder) at SumoMe, which offers free tools to help grow website traffic. To keep things extra spicy, he's become a taco connoisseur and created 4 separate products that have generated more than 7 figures. This podcast conversation is about all of the tools and tricks he uses to do it all.

Visit Parents
(3hrs)
- Business
- Finances
- Work issues, realizing I may be the problem not those around me. I need to recognize my ego.

06-05-15 Sponging It Up

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive

The Roots Buddhist Psychology - Jack Kornfield
(audio) (1.5hrs)
- Fear is in the imagination
- Fear is about the story of something else

The Mating Grounds Podcast
(podcast) (20mins)
- How Do I Figure Out And Fix My Emotional Issues?
- In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain why this is the wrong question to ask and give a better question (“What are my goals?”) to ask yourself so you can figure out where you want to go and what obstacles are in your way. Tucker gives an example from his own life about how he achieved his mating goal through psychotherapy, and Dr. Miller talks about how to reach out to your family for help uncovering your emotional blind spots. They also share advice on finding a good therapist if you really need therapy

Zero to Travel
(podcast) (46mins)
- How to Design Your Bike Trip & The Future of Adventure Cycle Touring : Epic Bike Rides With Casey Greene : Zero To Travel Podcast
- Casey Greene. Casey works as a cartographer for the Adventure Cycling Association – a non-profit organisation that aims to inspire people to explore the world by bike. That means Casey gets paid to create and update maps and bike routes. What an exciting job! Casey is also a pioneer in a new form of bike touring. In this episode, he talks about that, what it means for the future of bike touring, and how to plan the perfect bike trip.

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive

06-04-15 Sponging It Up

The Bhagavad Gita
(book) (26mins)

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive
- outside under tree

Mixergy
(podcast) (55mins)
- #1161 How a jewelry designer makes $252K a year as an Uber driver – Gavin Escolar
- You’re about to meet an Uber driver who does about 1/4 million dollars in sales. But the bulk of his money doesn’t come from driving. It comes from the jewelry he sells to his passengers. Gavin Escolar is an Uber driver and a jewelry-maker whose work you can see if his car ever picks you up, or by going to his personal web site, GavinEscolar.com Gavin Escolar is a jewelry designer who makes $250k a year as an Uber driver.

Zero to Travel
(podcast) (40mins)
- Natalie Sission

The Art of Charm
(podcast) (50mins)
- Matt Shoup

Philosophy of Health
(podcast)
- Episode 21 - Philosophy, Mysticism, and the Occult with Gary Lachman

The Marriage of the Sun and the Moon - Andrew Weil
(book) (30mins)
- Vomiting and healing effects
- Caffeine and cultural distinction between acceptance vs drug

Bike Ride
(1hr 15mins)
- 8.11 miles

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive

06-03-15 Sponging It Up

The Lessons of History - Will Durant
(book) (20mins)

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive
- Outside under tree

A Path To with Heart - Jack Kornfield
(audiobook) (1hr)

Ceramics
(40mins)
- glazed two dishes

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (1hr 36mins)
- Chris Sacca on Being Different and Making Billions
- Not Fade Away (book)
- How to get filthy rich in rising asia

The Unmistakable Creative
(podcast) (49mins)
- The Sacred Contracts of Our Lives With Suzannah Scully
- "You must travel it by yourself"
- Suzannah Scully whose clients included individuals and organizations such as Apple, Sony, and Eventbrite talks about the sacred contracts that drive our lives, and the difference between purpose and passion. Highlights How “shoulds” of our lives send us down the wrong pathWhy tragedies and crisis make us see the world in a different way Why so many of the things we worry about don’t really matterAnswering the question who you are and why you’re hereThe importance of mental, physical and emotional spaceLiving your life in pursuit of passion Understanding the difference between passion and purposeLessons learned from working as a waitress in a cafeWhy we must travel certain paths for ourselves to learn our most important lessonsHow sacred the contracts we make subconsciously impact our livesLearning to develop gravitas and executive presenceThe 3 levels of listening Navigating the structures of large organizations

Entrepreneur on Fire
(podcast)
- 927: What is keeping YOU up at night? with Cory von Wallenstein
- Cory heads up Adored.com, where they are using Apple iBeacon for kick butt automatic loyalty and real time engagement from your favorite brands and places.

Extra Pack of Peanuts
(podcast) (46mins)
- Destination Diary: Chiang Mai, Thailand
- Heather and I have spent more time in Chiang Mai than anywhere in the world except Philly. So today we run down some of the best places to eat, sleep, adventure, and get custom suits in this amazing city.

How Did You Get Into That? - Grant Baldwin
(podcast) (33mins)
- 090 – How to Procrastinate on Purpose, with Rory Vaden
- Is procrastination preventing you from fulfilling your dreams? Joining us today to share his unique approach to productivity is self-discipline and productivity strategist, Rory Vaden. Rory is a New York Times best-selling author and Co-Founder of Southwestern Consulting, a multi-million dollar global consulting practice that helps salespeople achieve their goals in life. His newest book, Procrastinate on Purpose, teaches you how to actually multiply your time. It’s a total game changer! If you need help with saying no to things that don’t matter and yes to the things that do, you won’t want to miss today’s episode of How Did You Get Into That?
- Its not a lack of discipline  but a lack of vision
- discipline lays dormant with the lack of a dream

Meditate
(10mins)

06-02-15 Sponging It Up

The Bhagavad Gita
(book) (44mins)
- Finished Book

Meditate
(25mins)
- Outside Under Tree

A Path With Heart - Jack Kornfield
(audiobook) (2hrs)
- 10#20

Ceramics
(40mins)
- glazed one dish

Work
(8hrs)

The Duncan Trussell Family Hour
(podcast) (1hr 40mins)
- Ian Lawton is A Dharma Bum!
- Ian Lawton (The Dharma Bum) Comes on the DTFH to tell the story of the first Irish Buddhist Anarchist missionary. 

How Did You Get Into That - Grant Baldwin
(podcast) (30mins)
- Jon Acuff
- Hustle is an act of focus not frenzy

Where You Go There You Are - Jon Kabat-Zinn
(book) (20mins)
- How Long to Practice?
- No Right Way

The Marriage of the Sun and the Moon - Andrew Weil
(book) (15mins)

Drawing
(20mins)

Photoshop Editing
(1hr)
- flyer and banner

Meditate
(10mins)
- Holosync: The Dive

Autobiography - Ghandi
(book) (10mins)

Working Towards Exposure

If I can build up some interest by gaining commissions to do small projects I can slowly build up experience and clients.
My tattooer who I've been going to for 5+ years, now more of friends, has given some opportunities to help him with a banner and flyer for his booth spot at a local tattoo event. This is exciting, also a little worrisome. I want to do a good job and worry some of my skills may be limited. But that's self defeating. I can do it. It may not be perfect but will serve its purpose. Who knows what may come along and what opportunities may arise.

06-01-15 Sponging It Up

The Bhagavad Gita
(30mins)

Meditate
(30mins)
- Holosync: The Dive

Motivational Video
(15mins)

Ceramics
(20mins)
- Picked Up 2 Finished Dishes

Bike Ride
(17mins)
- 1.8miles

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (40mins)
- Finished part 2 of Tony Robbins Interview

Tangentially Speaking - Chris Ryan
(podcast) (1hr 43mins)
- 127: John Kim

The Unmistakable Creative
(podcast) (1hr)
- James Victore

Zero to Travel
(podcast) (45mins)
- Paula Pant

The Tim Ferriss Show
(podcast) (1hr 17mins)
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- http://fourhourworkweek.com/2015/02/02/arnold-schwarzenegger/

The Busy Creator
(podcast) (38mins)
- The Busy Creator 23 Building a Business While Traveling The World, w/guest Christina Canters
- Building a Business While Traveling The World, w/guest Christina Canters Christina Canters (@cjcanters) is an architect-turned-entrepreneur who left her native Melbourne, Australia to travel the world as she builds her new consulting and teaching business, Design Draw Speak. This conversation focuses on travel, as well as the mindset and preparation required to build a new business on the road. Christina and Prescott share their war stories — and fond memories — from travels and studies abroad, and commiserate about the prices of certain goods in different places. Keep up with Christina and her travels via her blog,Kips and Kale. 
- http://busycreator.com/2014/09/15/the-busy-creator-podcast-episode-23-building-a-business-while-traveling-with-guest-christina-canters/

A Path With Heart - Jack Kornfield
(audiobook) (55mins)

Meditate
(23mins)
- Guided: Renewal

Saddened

A sadness is setting in. Is it the true realization that my job now is worthless in my heart. I have no satisfaction. The process I can do and perform, some are ingrained, like stabbing a needle in someone's arm. Ooo Blood. But I've be handed a position and its been probably 6 months or a little more that I've been doing it. Its more intermediate, for if I actually want to pursue it further I would have to invest a whole lot more time and money to get a pretty piece of paper that says I'm a certified histology tech. At first sounded good. I could make more money and hopefully supplement my dreams on the side. More and more the realization that this crap is not what I want to do. Its becoming more and more and effort I even bother to come. I've been working 6 days a week for the past month or two. Looking forward to more bullshit. But today I'm really feeling the deepening sadness. A sinking irritating feeling that I'm wasting my time and energy, the most valuable resources I have to do something I desire not. There can be interesting things I get to take part of but don't out weight the dissatisfying feelings in my gut. I'm having money held over my head and stupid bullshit, because I've been late. Even put on probation for a period. This should be the obvious sign that this fucking sucks. I keep thinking out in your time and get out, but how much longer. I could be a lot better with my time and money to move me in a different direction. I've been noticing a change and a move towards things that I actually desire to do, but not sure when to take the leap. I'm almost thinking of just quitting and finding anything else to do. This doesn't supplement my soul only my weak pockets. I get the opportunity to watch so many around me live unsatisfactory lives. I plan to not be one of those. My mind has been going crazy mulling over possibilities. I look at psychology but not sure I wanna go back to school, I look at creative expression but with little support, although in the process of increasing support, and I look at travel, more long term. But I'm in a bit of a pickle. I myself seem to have a hard time acting vs speaking of my goals. I'm married and I have to take into account strongly my wife and her desires. There is a hinderence she can be very very scared of doing things worried all hell will break loose and we could lose our asses. But I highly doubt that will happen. Things will come up. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, although we try as much as we can to reduce any discomforts. But that's the theme of those who don't try. All comfort and no discomforts makes people sedentary. I'm not bagging on her just reiterating what I'm absorbing and trying to instill it into my beliefs. I have fears and plenty of them and it sucks. I get anxiety thinking over we of these things. Ivw come to narrow down my pursuits but still am so damn indecisive I drive myself crazy and carries over to my wife. Its all frustrating. Back to my point I'm dissatisfied with where I'm at get too fucking afraid to make some jumps. But I could be so much happier. I'm sick of dragging myself to work. I'm sick of bullshit bosses trying to hold my wellbeing over my head like a fucking child. If this continues I will be throwing my life down the fucking drain. I'm still in my hometown for god sakes. Why am I still here. Its a Trap. There is no culture and people wanna keep shit poor and dumbed down. Cause that's how they like it. Its all very saddening. I do not want to roll over. Its bad enough I've put myself through torture for someone else's aspirations for what They think I should do. I'm done with that. Time to make myself happy. I've been dumb enough to take the shock and keep lying down. Now I understand more of the experiment and need to recognize its all in my own power, time to do something about it. So many of us lead the lives we never imagined and its for the worst. So many lost hopes and desires. It's about time I figure shit out before I really feel its too late. Its never too late but in my mind it's approaching. I don't wanna live the default lifestyle crammed forcefully down our thoughts. I'm learning more how school and college educations really do not prepare you for navigating the real world they feed us a bunch of lies to keep the weak in their place. I will rise up. I will climb that mountain. Its all about perspective but its so hard to see beyond what is right in front of you. I must remain steadfast in my desires and drive out the self doubt along with the social doubt. Let this sadness become my fuel, let it feed anger to do more to progress, for one day I will be free and that is worth more than anything acquired before.